A Tribute To Karen, On Her Birthday

I was your stereotypical geek in middle school. All braces and books, completely lacking in confidence or curves. Insecure and out of the loop.

I played basketball, and one of my teammates was everything I wasn’t. Her name was Karen, and she was striking and stylish, warm and well-liked. Girls wanted to be her, and boys wanted to be with her.

One day while our team was waiting on the covered sidewalk behind the gym, Karen stopped and turned to me. Looking at me intently she said, “Stephanie, you know you have perfect eyebrows.”

I can’t tell you what that one moment did for me: that someone—especially someone like Karen—took the time to 1) notice me at all, and 2) find something praiseworthy in me. (I’m sure it was quite an effort. I mean, “eyebrows” was the best she could come up with—she really had to stretch!)

That one small comment, which I’m sure she would never remember, changed my life. With it she planted in me a seed. A thought. “Well, if someone as amazing as Karen thinks I have perfect eyebrows, maybe I’m not as hopeless as I thought I was. Maybe I have other attractive qualities, too.” It seems like such a small thing; but the fact that I remember it 30 years later proves that it was not.
………………………………………………………

I recently reconnected with Karen via Facebook. Of course she still looks stunning. But when I look at her profile picture, I don’t just see a beautiful face…I see a beautiful soul.

King Solomon once said, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.”

Thank you Karen, for your apple of gold. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and a wonderful year.

Why I Love Working With College Students

“All too frequently the Church has fallen into lethargy in relation to its world-wide obligations. But God does not leave Himself without a witness. Whether it be a Nicolas Von Zinzendorf, a Samuel Mills, a C.T. Studd, a Robert Wilder, a John Mott, a Jim Elliot or a hundred others who could be named, God singles out a man to prophesy to His church. And with remarkable frequency that man has been a student.”
—David Howard, missiologist

“The college campus is bested only by the brothel, casino, and the communist party for Most Godless Institution on the planet. Consequently, we might assume that God’s redemptive plan would have bypassed this worldly setting. But instead it has become the capital of the missionary enterprise, a commuting hub, transporting the gospel and Kingdom workers to all destinations north, south, east, and west.”
—Rick James, Campus Crusade for Christ staff, commenting on the above quote in his article “Mission Impossible”, part of the White Papers series.

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StrengthsFinder vs. Spiritual Gifts

Each member of our office recently took the StrengthsFinder assessment as part of a team-building exercise. I have to say, I was a bit surprised by my results.

My top 5 strengths were: Input, Strategic, Learner, Ideation, and Activator.

It’s not so much that those five don’t accurately describe me; they really do. (This was confirmed by my husband laughing knowingly at the descriptions of each.) What most surprised me was what wasn’t there:

1. The first four all come from the “thinking” quadrant—so much for being well-rounded!

2. As an extrovert who’s worked in full-time ministry for 19 years, it was humbling to not have any “relating” strengths.

One connection I made was that my Strengths corresponded clearly to my spiritual gifts—stuff like teaching, prophecy, discernment, etc. My husband’s seemed to as well; his top 5 Strengths were Responsibility, Analytical, Relator, Belief, and Harmony, and his spiritual gifts include leadership, shepherding, and administration.

So on to the topic at hand…

I’m curious: Do most people’s Strengths correspond to their spiritual gifts? Does God plant the seeds of our spiritual gifts at the core of our identities? Or is it more typical for people’s spiritual gifts to be completely “other” than their natural abilities, all the better to display His power?

What do you think? For those of you who've taken the StrengthsFinder assessment, which is true for you personally?

MIXTAPE: All Responses Must Be Phrased In The Form Of A Question

Inspired by the title of my last mixtape, the theme is: Songs with titles that ask a question

Rules:

• This one is pretty straightforward (see Theme).
• The length of the mixtape must not exceed 90 minutes.
• Only one song per artist.
• I must like the song.
• Each mixtape must, if at all possible, conclude with a great quote.

All Responses Must Be Phrased In The Form Of A Question

1. Burn Rubber (Why You Wanna Hurt Me) – Gap Band
2. Do You Wanna Hold Me? – Bow Wow Wow
3. Is That All? – U2
4. Do You Love Me? – The Contours
5. How Soon Is Now? – The Smiths
6. What Is Love? – Howard Jones
7. Is There Something I Should Know? – Duran Duran
8. What’s Going On – Marvin Gaye
9. Baby Can I Hold You – Tracy Chapman
10. Have I Told You Lately – Van Morrison
11. Why Should I Cry For You? – Sting
12. Where Are You Going – Dave Matthews Band
13. Is She Really Going Out With Him – Joe Jackson
14. Who Said I Would – Phil Collins
15. Why Can’t I Be You? – The Cure
16. What’s He Got? – The Producers
17. Do You Believe In Love? – Huey Lewis & The News
18. What Do I Care? – Johnny Cash
19. “Answer me these questions three…” – from Monty Python & the Holy Grail
    

Selected Commentary:
Do You Wanna Hold Me? – Images of sumo wrestlers and house salads with Ranch dressing. Nope. The video doesn’t provide any more clues as to what this song is about. Anyone?
Is That All? – The previously-mentioned, really nice guy I dated in high school played me this song when I abruptly and unceremoniously broke up with him. I deserved it.
How Soon Is Now? Is that a rhetorical question? I’m thinking so.
What Is Love? – Not to be confused with the Haddaway song of the same title
Is There Something I Should Know? – As an avid Duranie, I was of course cemented in front of the TV for the World Premiere of this video
Baby Can I Hold You – We now bring you to the mellow portion of our program
Have I Told You Lately – Forget the Rod Stewart cover—Van’s the man
Why Can’t I Be You? The Cure get manic. And apparently go on an acid trip inside the wardrobe of a local theatre company.
What’s He Got? – The Producers = So underrated.
Monty Python & The Holy Grail – Two of my best friends, Theresa and Renee, and I took a computer programming class our senior year in high school (1986). Our entire second semester grade depended on the results of one group project: an educational program, written in BASIC on a TRS-80. The three of us decided the public needed to be educated on the legend of King Arthur. We designed the program so each user could choose an avatar; they were all just tiny stick figures on the monochromatic screen, but you could pick which Knight of the Round Table you wanted to be. The program had to include a test of some kind at the end. Our test was called The Bridge of Death, wherein users had to answer five (no three!) questions, using multiple choice. If the user got all three correct, they could walk across the bridge. But if they got one wrong, they were cast head first into the Gorge of Eternal Peril, with a trail of “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhs!” following their stick man. Our program was so long, we needed two floppies to store it on.

The picture below is the three of us on Cap and Gown Day, draped in a printout of our program. It took over an hour to print out on those old dot matrix printers…the kind that used continuous-feed paper with the tear-off sides!

There's only one more question to ask: What songs am I missing?

To check out my other mixtapes, click here.

Becoming A Leader Of No Reputation

My friend Shawn recently posted a link to an amazing article by Scott Rodin entitled “Becoming a Leader of No Reputation”. In it, Rodin shares how his views on spiritual leadership shifted dramatically while serving as president of Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Those of you familiar with Henri Nouwen’s book In The Name of Jesus will recognize its influence on Rodin’s thinking. (The article actually references and quotes Nouwen several times.) In The Name of Jesus significantly influenced my own leadership philosophy when I read it about a decade ago. But I was challenged afresh by Rodin’s applications and insights.

In the article Rodin describes five areas important to becoming a godly leader:

1. The power in being anointed (as opposed to simply being appointed)
2. The necessity of decreasing (when everything in the leader is fighting to increase)
3. The significance of self-awareness (which leads to personal transformation)
4. The importance of the leader acknowledging his inability to accomplish anything apart from the work of the Holy Spirit (outside the leader’s gifts and talents)
5. The need to seek the applause of Christ alone (instead of the applause of men)

I highly encourage anyone interested in the topic of spiritual leadership to read the article in its entirety by clicking here.

I’ll leave you with some of my favorite quotes from the article:

“One axiom of leadership I have come to appreciate reads, ‘leaders do not inflict pain, they bear it’. In the same manner, leaders to not absorb praise, they re-direct it. The success of any Christian leader lies significantly in their ability to keep this two-fold movement of leadership in balance. Leaders who inflict pain lose trust and dishearten their people. Leaders who absorb praise produce resentment and sacrifice motivation.”

“By overestimating our own worth, we help our people depend on us for everything. And that dependence feeds into our need to be needed, to be the “idea person” and visionary, and to be in control. We tell ourselves that the more we lead in this way, the more our leadership is valued and our presence desired. Of course, this is not real leadership, but a counterfeit that gives us our increase and expands our kingdom. It also, however, does a terrible disservice to our people, leaving them uninvolved and under-developed. It wastes resources and limits our ministry, all under the guise of strong leadership and the use of our God-given talents.”

“As Christian leaders we must be engaged in a constant process of self-evaluation and repentance…Godly leaders undertake their work with a deep humility and a keen awareness of their own weaknesses and shortcomings. They know themselves well, seek accountability, pray fervently and watch carefully for red flags and warning signals… Becoming a leader of no reputation means not being afraid to stare down your weaknesses and uncover the messy stuff in your private world. It means letting God transform you. And more importantly, it means knowing how much you need that transformation, far more than anyone else in your organization.”

“Throughout history God looked to the least, the weakest, the outcast, the untalented, the sinful and the rejected to give great leadership at historic times. And He hasn't changed that approach today. If we are honest as leaders, we know that we are not capable of leading as the size and complexity of our call demands. We know that there are others more talented, more prepared, more spiritual and more courageous than are we.”

Quotes From My Middle Child

I’m always grateful for unexpected, belly-laugh moments in parenting—when one of my kids does or says something so funny it actually takes me out of myself and gives me perspective amid the “dailyness” of raising three children.

All of my kids are quite verbal—(I have no idea how they got that way)—so on any given day, one of them is bound to say something “quoteworthy”. But lately it’s my middle child who’s been taking the cake in the Funny Quote Contest, so I thought I’d share some of his recent best.

Be forewarned that bathroom humor is to follow. Actually, his best quote from the last couple of months is unprintable. And really it requires hand motions anyway.

Here’s some I can share with you:

“Mom, a long time ago, when the captain pirates were first teaching the regular guys how to be pirates, did they use minivans?”
..............................

[While passing gas on the toilet:]“Mom, come listen to this. Do you here all those gas bubbles? It’s like they’re all talking to each other. Except we speak English, and they speak Toot.”
..............................

"Mom, when can you sign me up for Utah?"

"Why do you ask honey? What’s in Utah?"

"There’s lots of little dogs that eat things there. Jackson goes there. It’s a city. You mostly take a motorcycle or a helicopter to get there, because it’s far away. It takes a long time, because it’s another country."
.............................

"Dad, I told Theresa at school that when I stare at her, my eyes turn into hearts."

He also recently asked if he could grow his hair long,
because he wants to be a rock star

BOOK REVIEW: Uncompromised Faith by Michael Craven

Michael Craven states the purpose of his book, "Uncompromised Faith: Overcoming Our Culturalized Christianity" (NavPress, 2009), in his introduction: “…indentifying and tearing down…deeply entrenched and rarely examined cultural barriers to both the acceptance of the gospel and the mission of the church in America.”

I agree with Craven’s assessment that the American church in general is on the losing side of influence in the context of the greater American culture. I liked the idea of examining various worldviews prominent in America today and dissecting how they work to prevent the Kingdom of Christ from spreading or deepening in our country.

Overall, Craven accomplishes these purposes. Uncompromised Faith is a helpful overview of key cultural and social forces that currently shape America. I recommend this book as an engaging primer on the topic.

A few things that would have made the book stronger:

• I wish he would have expanded the epilogue, “What Are We To Do?” to include more practical steps for growth and change.
• The research for the chapter on feminism is culled almost exclusively from a single source. I found Craven’s lack of breadth and depth of research on the topic led him—ironically—to conclusions that were shaped by secular feminism far more than by church history or biblical scholarship.
• Personally, I would have liked fewer exclamation points and a little less hyperbole.

Favorite quotes from Uncompromised Faith:

“In comparison with its past achievements, it is safe to say that evangelical Christianity today is in a pathetic state of decadence and decline in the West…we have traded in Milton’s Paradise Lost for Left Behind, the arias of Bach for contemporary Christian music, and Rembrandt for Thomas Kinkade…It is this substandard quality that necessitates the subcultural category now necessary to identify Christian art and literature as its own category.” (p. 21)

“[American Christians] tend to interpret Scripture and historical events through uniquely American eyes…What many pundits thought was the death of the church in the 1960s through the secularization of the West was really its relocation and rebirth into the rest of the world…Christians should enjoy a worldwide boom in the new century, but the vast majority of believers will be neither white nor European, nor Euro-American…Today, 70% of evangelical Christians live outside the West. These facts should challenge those who abandon their responsibilities to the culture on the assumption that the apparent decline of the Christian influence in America is attributable to prophetic fulfillment [of the ‘end times’].” (pp.37-38)

“The depth of modernity—with all of its attendant forces of time pressures, consumerism, careerism, family separation, technology dependence, and distractions—is so pervasive that it is scarcely distinguishable as a force often antithetical to Christianity. Our relationship to modernity is comparable to a fish that has no concept of being wet.” (p.54)

“When was the last time we responded to a call upon our hearts to do something that seemed irrational or was contrary to normalcy in obedience to God? Don’t we privately believe and ultimately live as if God no longer calls people to the same level of radical and often irrational obedience described in Hebrews 11? And therefore we no longer expect—or perhaps more accurately, no longer want—that kind of call, so we do not listen nor invite God to use us in so radical a way.” (pp.56-57)

Who wants to borrow it? :)

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Mother's Day Meditation

I met my firstborn son on the second day of his life.

The woman who carried him in her womb for nine months gave birth on May 19, 2002. As part of our adoption plan, she graciously allowed my husband and me to visit him in the hospital the following day.

After waiting in the hospital lobby for about an hour, we were shown to the maternity ward upstairs. As we entered the nursery, my eyes quickly scanned the half a dozen or so cribs until they landed on one in particular. Somehow I knew that was him. I couldn’t explain it but, in a way, I already knew him.

I literally gasped when I saw his face—he was so beautiful. A hundred different emotions raced around my heart until they crystallized into one thought:

“I would go through it all again just for this moment.”

Every month I saw a single line appear instead of plus-sign. Every Christmas I only hung two stockings on the mantle. Every time I dreamed about the creative way I would announce my pregnancy this time, only to tuck that idea away for a day that would never come.

All of the consultations and lab tests and surgical procedures and shots and pills and ultrasounds and waiting rooms and bills from years of infertility treatments that always ended with the same result: “There is no medical explanation for your inability to conceive.”

Seeing my son’s face didn’t erase any of that.

It just made it all worth it.

…………………………………………………………………

One day we will see another firstborn Son’s face.

And we will gasp at His beauty.

And we will rejoice that, in a way, we already knew Him.

And certainly our hearts will cry out:

“I would go through it all again just for this moment.”

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (I Corinthians 13:12)

Holding my oldest son for the first time

Queso Quote: The Cure for Bitterness

“Meekness is the cure for bitterness.”

—Kay Arthur

What Makes A House A Home?

Two years ago our family of five moved into the house we currently live in. I was so excited about our new place, and anxious to get us settled in.

One afternoon while I was unpacking boxes, my kids asked me to join them in playing a game. I told them I was too busy working—they would have to play by themselves.

Five minutes later my daughter asked me again, “Please, Mom. Please come play with us!” Again I said “no”.

Five minutes later, same thing: “Pleeeeease, Mom!”

I impatiently snapped back something to this affect, “Kids! Stop asking me to play with you! Can’t you see I’m busy trying to make our house a home?!”

I was immediately struck by the irony of my reply. I apologized to my kids, and then sat down to take a break and gain some perspective.

My thought had been: beautiful and organized house = pleasant place to live. But what good is a pretty house if the people living there don’t love and laugh together? Certainly creating a sense of warmth and stability is more about heart and hearth than design and décor.

Or is it?

I began to poll my friends, asking them:

What made the house you grew up in feel like home?

I was surprised by the answers. First, everyone I polled, after pondering the question for a while, would say something like, “I don’t know what did make it feel like a home…but I can definitely tell you what didn’t.”

Second, I was surprised that the majority of those responses—what made your house not seem like a home—were about the physical nature of the house, not the relationships there. Certainly I had the occasional anecdote about things like having to walk on eggshells when daddy got home from work. But most of the answers were like this:

---One friend told how she was so ashamed of how dirty her house was, she would often arrange to have her friends pick her up at other location. Her home today is always spotless.

---Another friend told me how his mom always kept the curtains drawn, making it dark and dreary. His home today is full of wide-open windows.

---I myself grew up in a beautiful home. As beautiful as a museum. I was always worried about making a mess and ruining something. As an adult I’ve always chosen furniture and flooring that are sturdy and stain resistant, so people feel comfortable.

What do you think?
What makes a house a home?
Is it the physical or the relational?
What made the house you grew up in feel like home?
What didn’t?
How have those things affected the kind of home you’ve created today?