My Son, The Romantic: Love Letter To Lillian

My middle son is quite the romantic. You may remember his previous declaration of love for his kindergarten sweetheart: “Dad, I told Theresa at school that when I stare at her, my eyes turn into hearts."

Tragically, that relationship ended when Theresa’s family moved away last spring.

Now in first grade, he has set his sights on Lillian. Older single guys could learn a thing or two from my little guy about how to creatively express affection to a girl. Last week, for instance, he took 20 or so square yellow Post-it Notes, wrote “Lil” on each one, and then formed them into several capital “L’s”. How could any girl resist him?

But now he has outdone even himself. I found this Valentine’s Day letter-writing exercise in his home folder today:

In case you have trouble reading his writing, here’s a transcription:

“Dear Lillian,

You are a grate writer and reader. Is my writing bad or good? Tell me. I don’t care if it is bad or good. How abote we mary ech oter! I’m just kitting.

Love, Me”

Are We Ourselves?

How much do we self-edit in social media?

I’ve always assumed that everyone put their best foot forward when representing themselves on say, Facebook.

That’s why I was fascinated by Sarah Perez’ recent article at ReadWriteWeb, entitled, “On Facebook, You’re Really You.” From the article:

“Are people who they really say they are online? Conventional wisdom tells us that social networking sites, blogs and other social media outlets have allowed people to carefully craft online "personas" - essentially idealized versions of who they are in real life. Are you wittier online? More outgoing? More social? Friendlier? For those hiding behind the keyboard and computer screen, personality traits like these are easier to fake. Or are they?

According to a recent research study, maybe not. Psychologists found that "faking it" online is tougher than previously imagined. In fact, the results of the study show that people are much more likely to reveal their true personalities online and not the idealized image of who they want to be.”

The study is limited, in that it only focuses on one demographic: Students aged 17-22.

So I’m wondering: Is it just young people who don’t self-edit? Do students even place a value on self-editing? What about us middle-aged folk: Is my Facebook profile a true reflection of my real self? When I think about it, I do tend to experience my friends on Facebook in a similar manner to how I experience them in real life. Are we unwittingly exposing ourselves, despite our best efforts?

What do you think?

To read Perez’ article in its entirety, click here.

To read the results of the research study, click here.

Molly And Me

I regret I didn’t risk trying to meet Molly Ivins before she died in 2007.

Over the years I would occasionally contemplate contacting her, especially after I moved to Austin in 2001. I wanted to take her to lunch. But by then Ivins had been diagnosed with the cancer that would eventually kill her. I didn’t want to add to her stress by joining the throngs of people who wanted to be near her.

On the surface Ivins and I are opposites. She was a famous, tall, outspoken, always-single, hard-drinking, fiercely liberal journalist. I am a short, unknown, minivan-driving, suburb-dwelling, married-with-three-kids, evangelical missionary. We were from different generations—her birthdate was exactly five days after my mother’s.

But in many ways we were cut from the same cloth, and I always felt a sort of bond with her. We both grew up in Houston and would later have close ties to Fort Worth and Austin. We both sought refuge in books while growing up. Our families ran in the same oil-industry circles, along with the Bushes. In fact our fathers were both top executives at the same company.

And while Ivins and I took after our fathers in so many ways, both of us disappointed our fathers by choosing paths for our lives that were very different than what they had dreamed for us.

So I enjoyed “getting to know” Ivins a little better by reading her biography, Molly Ivins: A Rebel Life, recently.

I identified with Ivins in her desire for fame. Not that I am, or ever will be, famous to the degree she was. But as I wrote recently, the urge to try to been seen, to be known, to be thought of and talked about, is a much greater temptation for me than that of, say, money or power.

I don’t know that Ivins ever found what she was looking for. Her drive, and her addictions, spoke of a hunger that was never satisfied. As I read Ivins’ story—of a life marked by triumph, yet at the same time threaded through with tragedy—I found myself grateful for the grace of God in my life. Not that I don’t have my own demons to wrestle with; but the Balm of Gilead has healed so much in my life, and has given me a peace that I wish Ivins had known as well.

I could have learned so much from Ivins; she would have made a great mentor. And if I had met her, perhaps I could have blessed her as well.

Maybe if I had been a little more like Ivins, I would have taken the chance.

Help For Parents: Celebrate Calm

I want to help spread the word about a wonderful parenting resource called Celebrate Calm.

Our family was first introduced to Celebrate Calm last fall when my son’s occupational therapist recommended we attend a seminar here in Austin. It took quite of a bit of effort to get there, but I am SO glad we did.

Celebrate Calm was created for families with what founder Rick Martin describes as “intense kids”: high-functioning special needs kids with diagnoses like ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome, bi-polar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and sensory processing disorder. Martin was a family therapist for a number of years before admitting the “normal” parenting advice he prescribed in his practice wasn’t actually working in his own home. (Martin has a son with Asperger’s.)

Martin’s son Casey—who is now 16-years-old—actually joins him onstage. I loved being able to get inside Casey’s head, as well as watch their father-son dynamic son live. The advice they give is so beneficial on a philosophical, as well as a practical, level. I’m not normally a note-taker, but I literally ran out of room on my worksheet because I was writing down so much. And I kept thinking that what they were sharing was useful for parenting not only my special guy, but my typical kids as well.

For a list of upcoming seminars around the country, click here. Typically the seminars themselves are free, and then CDs of extended material are available for purchase. Martin also provides ongoing “tele-courses” you can access from anywhere, as long as you have a computer modem.

One awesome, free resource available to everyone is Martin’s weekly Celebrate Calm email newsletter. It always seems to arrive in my inbox at just the right time! I highly recommend signing up for it here.

Facebook users can also become a fan of Celebrate Calm here.

Queso Quote: Look at the Cross

“Look at the cross; behold His precious Gift transfixed to it, and that by His own hand, and for your sins. Then look at your present circumstances, survey your needs, your trials, your chastisements, your bereavements, your heart-sickening, heartbreaking tribulations, and know that God still is love. If He had love strong enough, deep enough, to give you Jesus—to tear Him, as it were, from His bosom, and to transfix Him on yonder accursed tree for your iniquities—has He not love enough to bow His ear to your cry, and His heart to your sorrow? Will He not rescue you from this difficulty, deliver you out of this trouble, shield you in this temptation, supply this need, and support, succour, and comfort you in this grief? Oh yes, He will! Doubt it not! The cross of Calvary is a standing pledge—standing until sin and guilt, need and woe, shall be known no more—that God, who ‘spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, will with Him also freely give us all things’ necessary to our good, and promotive of His glory.”

—Octavius Winslow

You Might Be From Louisiana If...

It’s been quite the holiday weekend, hasn’t it? Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day, and now my favorite: Mardi Gras. (For those of us outside of Acadiana, our holiday weekend lasts only through Monday. However, for those lucky enough to live in Southern Louisiana, the weekend is just getting started: Work won’t pick up again until at least Wednesday afternoon!)

I’m mostly a Texas girl—I’ve lived most of my life in the Lone Star State. But I was actually born in Lafayette, Louisiana. We moved away soon, but our family came back for a couple of my elementary school years. And then my husband and I spent our first two years of marriage living in Baton Rouge, working at LSU.

I love Cajun culture, and really miss it this time of year. I mean, where else do they have drive-thru daiquiri stands? If you’ve never lived in Southern Louisiana, you might not realize what a distinct culture exists there.

So in honor of Mardi Gras, I bring you:

“You Might Be From Louisiana If…”

• The crawfish mounds in your front yard have over taken the grass.
• You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
• Every so often, you have waterfront property.
• You've ever had Community Coffee.
• You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. (Also, Thibideaux, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya, and Natchitoches.)
• The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.
• You know the definition of "dressed."
• The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake.
• You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
• You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you sumpin."
• You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
• You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
• Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
• Your burial plot is six feet over instead of six feet under.
• You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins."
• You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
• You've ever given up Tabasco for Lent.
• Your boat has a higher appraised value than your house.
• You played your first game of Bourre while sitting in a high chair.
• You have relatives whose first names are "Taunt" and "Nonc”, and you have a "Parrain" instead of a godfather.
• You think a seven-course meal is a link of boudin and a six-pack.

Laissez les bon temps roulez!

My Son, The Newspaper Editor

My oldest son is a morning person. I am not.

Therefore our house rules dictate he must stay in bed until 7:00 a.m. on non-school mornings. (Just to clarify: I don’t consider 7:00 a.m. “sleeping in.” But this is the compromise we reached.)

And so this morning, at 7:00 on the dot, my son began bounding around the house, full of energy. By the time I wrapped myself in a robe, brushed my teeth, and slowly shuffled downstairs to make my tea, he had already whipped up a breakfast sandwich from his own original, spontaneous recipe, and had moved on to creating a newspaper. Yes, his own newspaper.

I thought you might enjoy selected pages from his new periodical:

I find it very humorous that one of the TV shows (movies?) he highlighted is “Love for Sale.” He told my husband and I we might want to watch it, "because it's about love."

I also couldn’t resist snapping a picture of him with his latest concoction:

Redeeming Valentine's Day

Each year consumers spend upwards of $10 billion on Valentine's Day, averaging roughly $100 a person for gifts and Valentine's paraphernalia.

(National Retail Federation, 2009. Cupid Goes Head to Head With Economy This Valentine’s Day)

Human trafficking is the third most profitable criminal activity, following only drug and arms trafficking. An estimated $9.5 billion is generated in annual revenue from all trafficking activities, with at least $4 billion attributed to the worldwide brothel industry.

(U.S. Department of State. 2004. Trafficking in Persons Report. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of State)

Laura Burton, a friend of mine on the Greater Oklahoma Campus Crusade for Christ team, recently shared about the creative way local college students are connecting the two statistics above.

This week Oklahoma students are working to raise awareness of the worldwide problem of human trafficking through The Valentine Project. They are encouraging fellow students to re-route some of the money they would normally spend on Valentine’s Day toward the purchase of chocolates donated by a local business, Coco Flow. All proceeds will be donated to Hadassah House, a half-way house for women freed from the sex trafficking industry.

For more information about The Valentine Project and how you can be involved, click here.